Poles are cheap and should be the correct length. This length can be determined by grabbing the pole just above the basket, inverting the pole and regrabbing it at the same point. How confusing is that? Bend your arm at the elbow 90 degrees so your forearm is parallel to the floor. While wearing your ski boots, the top of the pole should just touch the floor. If you want to be a "bumper" (i.e. mogul skier) make your poles a couple of inches shorter than this, it helps keep your weight forward while being bounced around in the bumps.

Clothes. I am anything but a fashion consultant. I believe in layers, with the outer one being made of goretex or its equivalent. The clothing should be loose to allow freedom of movement unless of course you are a beautiful woman, then the tighter the better. I have now entered the realm of political incorrectness. Okay unless you are a beautiful man. Somehow it just doesn't have the same ring to it. Five layers are a max and used for the coldest conditions (weather). Underlayers may contain duct tape unless you are a beautiful local , then visible duct tape is permitted. To complete our ensemble we need socks, wear only one pair made of a wool/cotton mix or high tech fabric, goretex gloves, a hat of your choice (no cowboy hats allowed) and a decent pair of goggles. Always ski with protective eye gear. If you have not exercised discretion with these purchases you have blown a couple of grand by now and will probably have to go back to chanting your mantra for a year before you have the price of a lift ticket. If money is no object than throw in a four-wheel drive sport utility vehicle or a Porsche, rent a condo at Whistler, purchase two season passes and give me a call. I will be your personal slave for the season.

Enough on equipment. It's almost time to get back to the hill. One more preskiing note: Ski Myth Number 2: "I will ski myself into shape." Please get yourself fit before skiing. Aerobic and strength training will make the sport far more enjoyable and much safer. The only way to ski into shape is quit your job and ski a minimum of five days a week. If you can afford that get yourself a personal trainer, get really fit and ski seven days a week. There's that old buddy logic again.

My next statement should surprise no one that knows my personal stats, specifically my birth date. When it comes to learning how to ski I am from the "Old School." This basically comes down to, I think you should learn to walk before you learn to run, or I think you should learn to snow plow before you learn to parallel ski. The reason is snow plowing gets you familiar with your ski edges and what they can do for you. Even the latest techie (I think I just invented a new word, by proclamation it is pronounced teck key: Definition: The latest craze the ski industry can impose on you to reduce you to bankruptcy) shaped skies depend on "edging" to stop and turn.

Okay, so I got carried away again, I'll do it your way i.e. back to the snow plow. Who's page is this anyway? Find a gentle slope and point yourself down the hill. Form a "V" with your skis by putting the tip of your skis together and separating the back (tails) of your skis. Stand in a knock kneed position. This will tip your skis onto their inside edges, which acts as a brake and keeps you from moving. Gentle flatten your skis by separating your knees (I know that's not what your mama told you, it's just like a man to say so) separate your ski tips and if necessary give yourself a push with you poles to get moving. You will now make your first attempt at stopping.

With your weight evenly distributed on both skis angle both your knees back towards each other, (thank you child) assuming a "knock kneed" position. Form as wide a "V" as possible. This position will put most of your weight on the inside edge of your skis, commence praying, and you should come to a stop. Release your edges by flattening your skis on the snow and repeat edging and stopping. Has anything ever felt so awkward, yet wonderful? Olympic Gold is just around the corner, but first you must learn to turn.

Start from the snow plow position, flatten your skis, and give yourself another push down the mountain. Once you start moving choose a direction for your first turn. For the sake of this discussion it will be a right turn. Right turns are made with your weight on the left ski. This brings us to Rule Number 2: Fully transfer your weight to the turning ski. I read this in the Mahre brothers' book, "No Hill Too Fast." They said the single biggest mistake recreational skiers make is not fully transferring their weight to the turning ski. Who am I to argue with the Mahres. This brings me to Rule Number 3: No rule is etched in stone. These are not," The Ten Commandments," which brings me back to rule number 2. There are times when a partial weight transfer is best. Examples of this are when you are skiing bumps, powder, shaped skis, and learning how to ski.

A number of years ago a man by the name of Horst Weber told me that balance is a large part of skiing. Horst is the head of the Training Center at Whiteface Mountain, in Willmington, NY. This is the site of the skiing competition for the 1932 and 1980 Winter Olympic Games. Horst is a great skier (an Olympic and world class ski coach) that gave me one of my most useful and treasured skiing tips. Skiing Tip 1: Ski as if you were not wearing skis, pretend you are skiing on your boots. This will put your body in a balanced position.

One of the biggest mistakes made in skiing is having too much weight on the back of your skis. This is called sitting back, and is caused by fear. Our instincts have us leaning into the hill behind us instead of leaning into the hill in front of us. If we fall our fear has us wanting to fall up the hill not down the hill. This is a very difficult problem to overcome. One way to help is Skiing Tip 2: Keep you hands out in front of your body where you can see them. The other is Horst's skiing tip number 1 (stay balanced).

When we are learning to ski, balance is extremely difficult. Balancing on one ski during a turn is a great deal to expect of a new skier. We will therefore only transfer some of the weight to the turning ski during our first turns. Here is how we will do it. Back to our right turn.

With your skis in the snow plow V (also refered to as a wedge) angle your left knee inward and lean out over your left ski. This will transfer your weight to the left ski while increasing the edging on that ski. Your right turn should be in progress, if it is not you might consider a more conservative political position and a turn to the right maybe possible. If not than reverse everything I have just said and make a left turn. You're going to have to do this anyway to keep from hitting a tree. The moral is, if go too far to the right you will hit a tree. Of course the same thing will occur if you go too far to the left. Staying on the straight and narrow is not a feasible alternative. This will only result in a high speed crash with the ski lodge at the bottom of the mountain. Turning is a must. Going from right to left and back again is what skiing is all about. It worked for our past president and it will work for you.

When you ski a lot of things are happening at the same time. You need to have all of your body parts in the right spot at the right time. I have found it impossible to achieve this by thinking about all those moving parts and where they are going at the same time. Focusing on one part at a time is the only thing that has worked for me. Try and find out what is the biggest flaw of the moment and concentrate on correcting that part of your skiing. A good way to focus on that brings us to Ski Tip Number 3. Mantras will improve your skiing, as well as alter your metaphysical state. I assign a keyword to the skill I am trying to achieve. I have a bunch of them and I repeat them to myself as I move down the mountain. I will move from one mantra to another as I ski. This has resulted in my reaching the bottom of the mountain physically while obtaining the summit metaphysically, thereby expressing the duality of life and the schizophrenic nature of my existence! Amen Amen (Example: Say transfer to move your weight from one ski to another, edge to dig your ski edges into the snow to stop).

Once you have the feel of these snow plow turns it's time to move beyond toward the world of parallel skiing. We will advance to the stem turn. This turn starts as a snow plow but ends as a parallel turn.

Give yourself a push and get into the snow plow V. Lean out over the left ski (we are doing another right turn) angling the left knee to the right. As you start to turn transfer all of your weight to your left leg, pick up your right ski and place it next to your left ski. Your skis should now be parallel to each other. Keep all your weight on the inside edge of your left, or down hill ski. Your right ski should be gently gliding along next to your weighted left ski. Allow the ski to finish the turn. The turn is finished when your skis are perpendicular to the slope, or as it is called in ski lingo, the fall line. (Definition of fall line: The direction a ball will roll down the slope.)(Alternate definition of fall line: The direction you will roll down the slope if you don't keep your weight on that turning downhill ski.)

Once you are perpendicular to the fall line separate your skies into another snow plow V. Angle your right knee to the left, lean out over the right ski, transfer all your weight to the right (now up hill) ski , pick up your left ski and place it gently next to the right ski as you make your (first) left ("Stem Christie") turn. Finish the turn, get into the snow plow V and dig in those edges. We are going to bring this thing to a halt right now. Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back. You are a half a step from parallel skiing.

Are you having a difficult time remembering all this? Break the turn down into parts and apply mantras to them. Say them out loud as you ski. It's okay, talking to yourself will scare people away. This gives you more room to practice your newly acquired skills. Other people are a distraction and an obstacle. Avoid them as much as possible. There are times and places for togetherness. The ski slope is not among them. If people ignore you and your chanting start screaming your mantras. If that doesn't work make them obscene. If the mantras are doing their job you should have plenty of room to ski. Only the perverts will remain undaunted. You will not only be skiing better, you will know who to avoid, or not to avoid, (it takes all kinds) apres ski. Definition: Apres Ski - After skiing, usually considered party time and involves some alcohol. Ski Myth Number 3. A few drinks will loosen you up and improve your skiing.

I have tried to improve my skiing by getting loose enough times to know (for sure) it does not work. Alcohol slows down your reflexes and impairs your coordination. It may make you think: Ski Myth Number 4. You can conquer the mountain.

The mountain is old, very, very old. It has been there for millions of years and it is made of stone. People are much younger and made of flesh and blood. Flesh and blood can not beat, conquer, overthrow, bludgeon, crush, overpower, smash, overwhelm, or kick the mountain's butt. You should never ever fight with the mountain. If you try you will lose. The mountain is to be cherished, appreciated, respected and survived. It is your partner not your enemy. Ski sober and drive sober. Be careful with that Apres Ski stuff unless of course you are a pervert. Then who cares?

The time has come for your first true parallel turn. Unless you are on the latest high tech shaped skies you are going to have to learn an additional skill. It is called unweighting. There I said it. PSIA be dammed. What the hell is a PSIA? It is a group of ski instructors that have achieved the highest rating obtainable for a ski instructor in this country. It stands for Professional Ski Instructors Of America and they are all fantastic skiers. They love carved turns. They teach carved turns. They ski carved turns and sometimes, actually many times, when they think no one is looking, or looking but not seeing, they ski unweighted skidded turns. They will deny this. Pay them no mind. I have seen them do it. It is true in spite of their denial. You do have to watch them very carefully to see it and even then you may not see it at all. They are highly skilled skiers and have refined the unweighting to a level so subtle that it is undetectable, but it is there. I swear it.

This refinement of a skiing skill to a level so subtle it is unnoticeable is the mark of a true expert skier. One who has mastered the sport. This is your goal and here's how to get there.

I will digress momentarily from unweighting to talk about body position. To start our parallel skiing we want the best balanced body position possible. This is not difficult to achieve. It is a basic athletic stance. Feet slightly apart, about shoulder width, knees slightly bent, elbows bent, hands out in front of your body, head and eyes straight ahead, and your weight is on the balls of your feet. From this stance you are ready to wrestle, receive a basketball pass, field a line drive or ground ball, leap over high buildings in a single bound, and ski.

Starting from the basic athletic stance, face the right side of the slope, and give yourself a push. You should be traversing to the right. It seems from all this, unless I am experiencing a fit of dyslexia, (which is a frequent occurrence) that your first parallel turn should be made to the left. We are still trying to avoid the trees. In preparation for this put all your weight on your left ski. Bend your knees even further, reach out in front of you with your left hand and gently plant your pole at a point you are going to turn around and jump into the air off of your left ski. At the top of your vertical leap, for an instant, you will be weightless. You have experienced unweighting. So what's the big deal? Why are these PSIA people so obsessed with denying you or anyone this pleasurable experience. It hasn't turned you into a bad person, it hasn't hurt anyone, so why not do it?

I have added "bottom line", "carving", "bumps", "simple skiing", and "powder" sections to this page. They are much shorter and easy to follow than this lesson. Click them from the links below to simplfy learning.